Crime of the Century

 

Deleted scene time again! And this time from Doctor Who: The Crimes Of Thomas Brewster, released in January 2011 and still available here. I wrote about it being released here and about the recording here and here.

Looking on my hard drive, there are about 20-odd drafts of the story (each day I’d start with a new draft number) and as I was adding and deleting scenes as I went along, it’s quite hard to find them all, so this is by no means complete; this is just as much effort as I am prepared to put in right now.

When the story was written and recorded it was called The Gathering Swarm, with my intention (or at least my presumption) being that the fact that the story featured Thomas Brewster would come as a surprise not only to the Doctor, but also to the listener. As it was, the title got changed before release, I’m not sure why, but I daresay the reasons were good. But it now meant the listener was one step ahead of the Doctor throughout the first episode.

I should also add that, of course, these deleted scenes are stuff that was cut out, and so are not indicative of the quality of the finished product (!) and that they may contain ‘spoilers’ so if you haven’t heard The Crimes of Thomas Brewster then buy it and listen to it now!

Anyway. The first cut bit was from scene 14. I’m not sure why it was cut but I suspect it was because a) the episode was too long and b) when re-writing, you sometimes notice that if you take a chunk out of the middle of the conversation it doesn’t affect anything and still flows and doesn’t mean you lose anything, but it means everyone gets to the point much quicker:

SCENE 14. EXT. STREET IN BERMONDSEY.

[...]

GALLAGHER:

I’m so glad.

DOCTOR:

And the person in charge of this rival organisation, he calls himself the Doctor?

GALLAGHER:

Yeah. No name, just a title. A right man of mystery.

MICK:

But, Mister Gallagher, this is him, I didn’t – (mess up)

DOCTOR:

Ah, I think I understand what’s happened here. I am the Doctor but, alas, not the Doctor you’re looking for.

GALLAGHER:

So who are you?

Originally the cliff-hanger of episode one was based around the Doctor’s predicament rather than Evelyn's:

SCENE 19. INT. GALLAGHER’S OFFICE.

THE MOSQUITOES ARE BLASTING AWAY, WITH GANGSTERS RETURNING FIRE AND BEING KILLED.

GALLAGHER:

These robot insect things... they’re here because of you?

DOCTOR:

I’m afraid so. One of them attempted to kill me early this morning. They must have picked up my trail somehow.

A BLAST CAUSES THE GROUND TO SHAKE, WALLS COLLAPSE.

MICK:

They’re blasting their way in through the roof - we’re gonna have to evacuate downstairs!

GALLAGHER:

Mick, you tell the men to keep firing, no matter what.

MICK:

Whatever you say, Mister Gallagher. Whatever you say.

DOOR CLOSES.

DOCTOR:

Listen to me! You have to call your men off, it’s your only chance -

GALLAGHER:

Is that right, Doctor?

DOCTOR:

You don’t believe you can stop those things with bullets, do you? They’re not going to let anything get in the way between them and their objective!

GALLAGHER:

Their objective being seeing you dead.

DOCTOR:

Yes.

GALLAGHER:

Well, then we shall just have to give them what they want, shan’t we...?

A GUN SAFETY CATCH CLICKS OFF AS THE BATTLE CONTINUES...

END OF PART ONE

The following section wasn’t cut so much as rewritten because it was felt that it crossed the line into ‘silly’:

  

SCENE 56. BREWSTER’S TIME MACHINE CHAMBER.

[...]

MENZIES STEPS FORWARD.

MENZIES:

I’m the Doctor.

BREWSTER:

What?

MENZIES:

I’m the Doctor. The traveller in Time and Space. It’s me.

BREWSTER:

You?

MENZIES:

And Norman – Norm – here. Is my companion.

DOCTOR:

(INCREDULOUS) I am? (COVERING) I mean, I am.

BREWSTER:

But you’re... but you’re...

MENZIES:

What?

BREWSTER:

A woman!

MENZIES:

I thought you said you knew I could change my appearance.

BREWSTER:

Yeah, but... only up to a point!

DOCTOR:

You’re surprised? I was there when it happened! I didn’t know where to look!

BREWSTER:

You mean, you used to be a male Doctor, and now you’re –

MENZIES:

- more attractive in a skirt, yes. I have to admit, it took some getting used to...

This scene was cut because all the information in it would be repeated later on anyway:

68. INT. TERRAVORE HIVE-SHIP.

BACK IN THE CONTROL CENTRE WITH THE QUEEN.

TERRAVORE QUEEN:

The organics have been spared. As requested.

EVELYN:

All of them?

TERRAVORE QUEEN:

Correct.

EVELYN:

I am grateful. They shall not come to any further harm?

TERRAVORE QUEEN:

That is conditional upon your provision of information.

EVELYN:

As you wish. I speak on behalf of the Locus. In return for the humans’ lives, we will provide you with details of the location of the space-time wormhole. You will use that wormhole to conduct your swarm to the Earth, to exploit that planet instead of Symbios. You shall leave this world unmolested and you are never to return.

TERRAVORE QUEEN:

We consent to your terms. Now. Provide us with the co-ordinates of the temporal breach!

EVELYN:

Oh, I’ll do better than that. I’ll show you.

And I cut a couple of lines from the end of this scene, as ‘prepare it for my triumph’ was such a good line to go out on:

70. EXT. SURFACE OF THE PLANET SYMBIOS.

[...]

TERRAVORE QUEEN:

Excellent. I shall gather the Terravore swarm... and send them to this world to prepare it for my triumph!

EVELYN:

The interface will remain open. The humans under our control on Earth will be released from our influence.

TERRAVORE QUEEN:

They shall not survive long. I can sense my drones on Earth, awaiting their activation signal.... yes, yes!

I cut the beginning of this scene, not sure why, probably just because my first draft of episode four was far too long:

72. INT. TERRAVORE BROOD CHAMBER.

B/G EFFECTS AS BEFORE.

FLIP:

What is this, this ‘brood chamber’?

DOCTOR:

I’m very much afraid it’s the Terravore equivalent of a larder.

JARED:

We’re lunch. Oh, terrific. I went on a diet for this!

Similarly, this entire scene was cut:

76. INT. STREET/UNDERGROUND TUNNEL.

TERRAVORE STREAMING OUT OF UNDERGROUND TUNNEL, SCREECHING AND BLASTING VICTORIOUSLY. POLICE, AMBULANCE FIRE SIRENS. SCREAMS AND CAR HORNS AND CRASHES.

GALLAGHER:

Blimey, how many of you are there?

TERRAVORE:

Nine-hundred and forty drones. And Terravore Queen.

GALLAGHER:

Oh, her majesty, right! Nice system of government you’ve got there.

TERRAVORE:

Your observation is redundant.

POLICE SIRENS GET NEARER. HELICOPTER THUNDERS OVERHEAD.

GALLAGHER:

The old bill’s on their way... Aright, lads, you know what to do. Take up positions!

I cut quite a lot from this scene, mainly characters spelling things out which either had already been spelt out or would be spelt out later or which didn’t need spelling out at all:

78. EXT. JUNGLE ON THE PLANET SYMBIOS.

[...]

DOCTOR:

No, I think the swarm instinct has taken over. All that matters to them now is traversing the temporal breach.

BREWSTER:

To Earth.

JARED:

We’ve got to shut that thing down, block them off.

DOCTOR:

And there’s only way to do that. Brewster’s time machine.

MENZIES:

But that’s back on Earth too –

DOCTOR:

Exactly. So we’re going to have to traverse the breach too.

JARED:

What? That big wobbly circle they’re all disappearing into?

DOCTOR:

I recommend we all move very carefully, don’t make any sudden movements... and keep our heads down! After me!

SUDDEN CRACK OF THUNDER. EARTHQUAKE. MUD SUCKING SOUND.

FLIP

Doctor. My feet, they’re stuck. The mud, it’s like it’s pulling at me, pulling me down...

JARED:

Yeah, I can hardly move... the ground’s shifting...

DOCTOR:

Symbios. It’s trying to stop us getting away... we’ve got to get to that portal! Come on! Run!

This scene was cut down for similar reasons:

SCENE 81. INT. BREWSTER’S TIME-MACHINE CHAMBER.
 

[...]

JARED:

Yeah, get a sense of priorities! World ending here!

DOCTOR:

You’re right. So. All I have to do is to close off the space-time wormhole, prevent any more Terravore making it to Earth...

DOCTOR BEGINS PRESSING BUTTONS, PULLING LEVERS.

FLIP:

What about ones that are already here?

DOCTOR:

Once the wormhole is sealed, they’ll lose contact with the control signal and be deactivated. Yes. All I have to do pull this lever - and it’ll all be over.

BUTTONS PRESSED. MACHINE RESPONDS, POWERING DOWN – BUT NOT QUITE.

MENZIES:

Then what are you waiting for?

[...]

MENZIES:

But the Earth... six billion people will die!

DOCTOR:

Six billion humans. But you forget. I am a Time Lord. To me, you’re just another species - and a particularly undeserving one at that!

BREWSTER:

You’re not the Doctor.

DOCTOR:

Oh but I am, Thomas. I am. And you have left me with no other choice. The Locus was right. The Terravore should have Earth!

And a whole section was cut down because it slowed down the pace, with scenes being combined, truncated and re-ordered to make it all happen faster (i.e. Menzies’ trip to the surface happens between scenes). You may also spot one or two or quite a lot of horrendously clunky lines, which proves this is from an early draft:

83. INT. BREWSTER’S TIME-MACHINE CHAMBER.

BREWSTER IS FIDDLING WITH CONTROLS. MACHINE IS WARBLING DANGEROUSLY.

JARED:

Well? Any luck?

BREWSTER:

I’m doing my best, okay, I need to concentrate -(ELECTROCUTED SHARPLY)

SUDDEN SMALL EXPLOSION.

BREWSTER:

It’s no good. I’ve tried everything I can think of, but he’s set every control to cause the machine to overload.

MENZIES: (INTO PHONE)

Bradshaw? Bradshaw? (GIVES UP) Okay. We can either stay here and die, or try and escape. Who’s with me?

JARED:

Yeah, I’d rather do something than just wait.

FLIP:

And me.

MENZIES:

What about you, Thomas?

BREWSTER:

You go. I still might be able to fix this thing –

MENZIES:

Your choice. Alright, let’s go. Keep with me, and stay quiet, we don’t know how many of those things are out there...

DOOR OPENS AS THEY CREEP OUT.

84. EXT. JUNGLE ON THE PLANET SYMBIOS.

TARDIS MATERIALIZES AND DOOR OPENS. IN THE B/G, WE CAN HEAR TERRAVORE AND THE PORTAL.

EVELYN:

Why have you brought us here?

DOCTOR:

Seemed as good a place as any. Give us a chance to watch the last of the Terravore departing the planet.

EVELYN:

The Terravore Queen... she will be the last to leave.

DOCTOR:

Yes, like all royals, can’t go anywhere until they’ve rolled out the red carpet. Now, return Evelyn to me.

EVELYN:

Not until this world is safe. The temporal breach must be closed to prevent the Terravore’s return.

DOCTOR:

You don’t trust them. Very wise. I’ll make sure the breach is closed - once you’ve released Evelyn.

EVELYN:

No, Doctor. We will release Evelyn - but only when the breach is closed. You see, we don’t trust you either!

85. INT. UNDERGROUND TUNNEL.

MENZIES, FLIP AND JARED CLIMBING CLANGING LADDER.

MENZIES:

Come on, nearly there! What’s holding you up?

FLIP:

I’m no good with ladders. My arms are killing me.

MENZIES:

Yeah, well get a move on, or it won’t just be your arms. This is it, this door should take us outside.

DOOR OPENS. LONDON IN CHAOS. HELICOPTERS. GUNFIRE. SIRENS. SCREAMS. CAR CRASHES. AND RAY GALLAGHER, BREATHLESS AND DESPERATE.

JARED:

Oh my god... it’s all on fire, the street, the shops -

GALLAGHER:

Where did you lot spring from?

MENZIES:

Gallagher. I thought you were working for these things.

GALLAGHER:

Opted for early retirement, didn’t I? So how many of you are there?

JARED:

Just us.

GALLAGHER:

Thought so. The Terravore, they’re nothing if not efficient. My men didn’t stand a chance. If I were you, I’d go back where you came from, it’s your only chance.

MENZIES:

What about you? You’ll die if you stay out here.

GALLAGHER:

Armed robbery, G.B.H., even murder, they all go with the territory in my line of business. But even I have to draw the line somewhere. And destroying the whole planet, that crosses the line.

MENZIES:

Pity it’s taken the apocalypse to make you see the light.

FLIP:

Oh my god, they’ve spotted us. They’re coming down.

INDEED THE TERRAVORE ARE WHIZZING TOWARDS US, BLASTING.

GALLAGHER:

Inside. Inside, now, all of you!

MENZIES:

You don’t think you can stop them by shooting at them?

GALLAGHER:

No, but it does me the world of good.

GALLAGHER IS FIRING AT THEM.

TERRAVORE:

Gallagher. You are no longer co-operative.

GALLAGHER:

Well done –

TERRAVORE:

Commencing extraction and exploitation of all chemical resources.

GALLAGHER:

(SCREAMS IN PAIN)

WE HEAR THE SAME EFFECT AS SCENE 27, A HUMAN BEING’S MOLECULES BEING REARRANGED.

TERRAVORE:

Carbon molecular content reconstituted!

86. INT. BREWSTER’S TIME-MACHINE CHAMBER.

BREWSTER:

It turned him into a diamond?

MENZIES:

Yeah. Right before our eyes. And I don’t think they did it for the sake of poetic irony.

FLIP:

If it wasn’t for him, they’d have got us too. He saved our lives.

BREWSTER:

So there’s no way out?

[...]

87. INT. UNDERGROUND CORRIDOR.

JARED AND FLIP RUNNING.

FLIP:

Which was was it again? I’m lost. (YELPS)

JARED:

Look where you’re going.

FLIP:

Excuse me, I’ve been kidnapped, taken to an alien planet, been possessed, battled some robot mosquitoes and jumped through a space-time wormhole... so don’t give me a hard time about tripping over a step, okay?

JARED:

Whatever, don’t bite my head off. Shhhh!

TELL-TALE SOUND OF AN APPROACHING TERRAVORE.

FLIP

Don’t you shush me.

JARED:

There’s a Terravore down here with us. We’d better get a move on!

AND THEY RUN.

93. INT. BREWSTER’S TIME TRAVEL CHAMBER.

THE TIME MACHINE POWERING DOWN.

BREWSTER:

Done it. The space-time wormhole has closed. Doctor? (PAUSE) He’s hung up.

MENZIES:

No. I think he’s probably just lost the signal...

94. EXT. SURFACE OF THE PLANET SYMBIOS.

NORMAL B/G. TERRAVORE QUEEN CAN BE HEARD.

EVELYN:

What have you done?

DOCTOR:

Broken the link between Symbios and Earth.

EVELYN:

But the Terravore Queen... is still here.

DOCTOR:

And she alone. Watch.

TERRAVORE QUEEN:

I have lost contact with the swarm. Connection broken! Restore contact! Connection broken!

Finally. Rather than yours truly re-writing the story, the second draft of the story was written by Eddie Robson, for four excellent reasons. 1) Because he’d created the character of Menzies and would be able to write her better than I could 2) Because it meant that I could then rewrite Eddie’s Industrial Evolution 3) Because it would make the whole re-writing process quicker and more fun to swap work rather than wade through the same old nonsense a second time and 4) Because Eddie is an excellent writer. And the deal was that both of us would then be able to do a third draft on our own stories in order to put it back how it was make sure we were entirely happy with it.

To give you some idea of how much this process improved things, here’s a couple of the scenes which were most heavily rewritten. First my original draft, and then my third draft, after Eddie’s been through it making all the characters talk like human beings:

SCENE 8. POLICE CELL. 

[...]

DOCTOR:

Not my fault. The mechanical assassin was booby-trapped.

MENZIES:

Of course it was. So why do you think this robot housefly was so desperate to put you out of action?

DOCTOR:

I haven’t the slightest idea.

MENZIES:

You surprise me.

DOCTOR:

I mean, I’m not without enemies, but I don’t recall ever falling-out with anybody who used such devices...

MENZIES:

No?

DOCTOR:

But of course, there’s always the possibility that I may be experiencing the consequences of events which lie in my personal future.

MENZIES:

Of course, it’s obvious now you say it.

DOCTOR:

An occupational hazard for the time-traveller.

MENZIES:

I can imagine.

DOCTOR:

But there is something that’s very odd about all of this.

MENZIES:

What?

DOCTOR:

You don’t disbelieve me. I just informed you I was a time-traveller... and you didn’t question it!

MENZIES:

That’s the problem with me, you see, Doctor. I’m too trusting. I don’t have a cynical bone in my body.

DOCTOR:

(THINKING) Menzies... are you sure we haven’t met?

...which then became:

SCENE 8. POLICE CELL. 

[...]

DOCTOR:

Not my fault. The mechanical assassin was booby-trapped. I’m sure you find it all rather difficult to believe -

MENZIES:

Not really.

DOCTOR:

Oh.

MENZIES:

I’m a trusting sort, Doctor. Not a cynical bone in my body. Plus, your story tallies with eyewitness reports, including one from our own officer.

DOCTOR:

Good! So I can go, then?

MENZIES:

No.

DOCTOR:

Why not?

MENZIES:

Because, Doctor, that’s not what I meant when I asked what you were doing here. You’re really saying you don’t know?

DOCTOR:

(THINKING) Menzies... are you sure we haven’t met?

MENZIES:

(THINKING ON HER FEET) No. I’ve never seen you before in my life.

And:

SCENE 11. POLICE CELL

DOCTOR:

Bearing that in mind, Detective Inspector, might I ask why you’re keeping me here? This isn’t exactly routine procedure.

MENZIES:

You blew up a police boat and caused irreparable damage to a world heritage site!

DOCTOR:

And you have witnesses making it clear I was not responsible. No. You must have some other reason.

MENZIES:

Okay. It’s like this. The Met have been getting reports of some new gang that’s been set up in East London. Led by a guy calling himself ‘the Doctor’.

DOCTOR:

Interesting.

MENZIES:

So far they’ve been pretty small-time, but the word on the street is, this ‘Doctor’ is just getting the funds together to finance something more ambitious.

DOCTOR:

I’m afraid I can’t really help you – Patricia, wasn’t it? I’ve only recently arrived -

MENZIES:

So you have no idea why someone with your name is heading up a criminal gang?

DOCTOR:

Coincidence? I do have one question for you, though.

MENZIES:

What?

DOCTOR:

Why is a detective from Manchester investigating a gangster in London?

...which then became:

SCENE 11. POLICE CELL

DOCTOR:

Can you please explain what it is you think I’ve done?

MENZIES:

Okay. It’s like this. The Met have been getting reports of some new gang that’s been set up in East London. Led by a fella calling himself ‘the Doctor’.

DOCTOR:

Interesting.

MENZIES:

Nobody’s sure what they’re up to. So far it’s just been odd bits of theft here and there, but his gang seems to be getting bigger and bigger. This ‘Doctor’ seems to be building up to something more ambitious.

DOCTOR:

Well, I’m sorry – Patricia, wasn’t it? But whoever this ‘Doctor’ is, it’s not me. I’ve only recently arrived in London – and so have you, I gather.

MENZIES:

Why do you say that?

DOCTOR:

Your ID card says you’re with the Greater Manchester Police. Sorry, I should have asked before taking it from your wallet but I didn’t like to interrupt. So, you have a special interest in this case?

Step Back In Time

Digging through the 'archives' looking for more detailed scenes from my Doctor Who things, I've failed to find anything at all from A Perfect World (save for a line about 'pod-people from the planet Benetton') or The Spirit Trap, so moving on, to Cobwebs. Available to purchase here from Big Finish.

Most of the following deleted scenes from Cobwebs were cut during the original drafting process, so didn't even appear in the official 'draft one'. Generally, when writing I write long and then edit them down to length, so most if not all of these bits were cut for that reason; because they were reiterating plot points made elsewhere, or because they added unnecessary complications, or drew attention to plot holes by explaining them! They are presented merely for information; they were cut because they were dull, so don't expect anything exciting.

The biggest change from the first draft was that initially it opened with the scenes with Nyssa, and then moved to a fairly subdued TARDIS scene (designed to follow on seamlessly from the end of Enlightenment). Script editor Alan Barnes suggested that the story should open with a scene with Tegan at her most Tegan-ish, arguing with the Doctor and quoting her Aunt Vanessa, as it would be the first story with Janet Fielding reprising the role of Tegan for goodness knows how many years.

This scene also has Turlough claiming that his home planet is Gamma Helios; after all, if the Doctor is trying to get him home, he has to claim to have come from somewhere.

PART ONE

4. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM

(FX: TARDIS HUM)

DOCTOR
You’re sure?

TURLOUGH
I’m sure.

DOCTOR
You’re welcome to travel with us, you know. Tegan wouldn’t mind. Well, she might, but I wouldn’t pay it any attention.

TURLOUGH
No, Doctor. It’s my decision.

DOCTOR
Very well. Your home planet. Name?

TURLOUGH
Gamma Helios. Co-ordinates nine by nine four oblique one.

(FX: BUTTONS PRESSED)

DOCTOR
Shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes.

TURLOUGH
Thank you. I’m very grateful, Doctor, for everything...

DOCTOR
Don’t mention it. Everyone deserves a chance to make amends. Speaking of which. You should talk to Tegan.

TURLOUGH
I, ah, don’t think she wants to talk to me.

DOCTOR
You’ll find that Tegan doesn’t always get what she wants around here. Go.

And then, when Turlough goes to speak to Tegan:

TEGAN
Turlough, what are you up to?

TURLOUGH
It’s complicated. The situation with my family, I mean.

TEGAN
Oh well, I can understand that. You should see my lot. Half of them on one side of the world, half of them on the other, both lots trying to pretend that the other lot doesn’t exist. Is it the same with you?

TURLOUGH
Something like that. It’s not a subject – (that’s easy to)

(FX: A GRINDING GROAN AS THE TARDIS LURCHES OUT OF CONTROL)

Later, when they meet Nyssa, she explains about the Richter's Syndrome virus:

NYSSA
We thought it had been wiped out, until ten years ago, when suddenly a new, more powerful strain emerged as though from nowhere. Within months it had spread across the galaxy. We estimate that over seventy billion people are now infected.

TEGAN
Seventy billion? That’s more than the population of Earth!

NYSSA
The virus is highly infectious. Within minutes of exposure, the sufferer experiences extreme pain, followed by a period of rage and paranoia, followed by death.

TEGAN
Sounds like rabies, but worse.

And later in the episode, Tegan and Nyssa have a bit of a heart-to-heart:

TEGAN
Maybe they were using this place for a Jewish wedding. Which reminds me, I must have fifty years of gossip to catch up on. So has there been anyone, to help pass you your test-tubes?

NYSSA
One or two. But no-one at present. I’m not an easy person to be romantically involved with.

(FX: NYSSA PRESSING BUTTONS, ACTIVATING COMPUTERS)

TEGAN
Baggage?

NYSSA
That’s putting it mildly. And my work means I’ve had to spend months, years travelling between worlds. It’s not really a life that I could share.

TEGAN
You don’t have any regrets, though? About leaving us?

NYSSA
No.

TEGAN
Really?

NYSSA
Well, one or two. I’ve been fulfilled, don’t get me wrong, but, yes, there have been times when I’ve looked out at the stars and wondered where you and the Doctor were, what adventures you were having. And now it turns out I’ve only missed two days!

TEGAN
Still missed having you around.

NYSSA
And I’ve missed you too, Tegan. It’s very strange seeing you again now.

TEGAN
I know what you mean. It’s like when I go back to Brisbane; I might’ve been away for three years but as far as everyone else is concerned, it might as well be the next day.

NYSSA
What about you? How long do you think you’ll stay with the Doctor?

TEGAN
I don’t know. For as long as it’s fun, I suppose.

NYSSA
You never struck me as finding the experience enjoyable...?

TEGAN
Oh, I’ve been having the time of my life. But don’t tell the Doctor that. If he ever found out he’d be unbearable.

NYSSA
I promise. The computer logs should be functional by now, I can’t see what’s wrong.

Following on from the earlier cut scene about Turlough's home planet, this scene was also trimmed:

(FX: SCRAMBLING THROUGH RUBBLE)

TURLOUGH
Doctor. About you returning me to my home planet...

DOCTOR
(ENGROSSED IN WORK) Changed your mind?

TURLOUGH
No.

DOCTOR
You know, you don’t look like a native of Gamma Helios. As far as I remember the main species on that world is a type of vapour squid. But if that’s where you say you’re from...

TURLOUGH
Can I ask you another question?

A large chunk was cut/rewritten from Part Two because it was basically reiterating things that didn't need reiterating:

PART TWO
 
21. CORRIDOR

TEGAN
I’m not happy about any of this.

DOCTOR
You surprise me.

TURLOUGH
I agree with Tegan. It feels as though we’re being manipulated.

NYSSA
Doctor, we don’t have any choice. According to the memnonic logs, the crew discovered a cure to Baxetter’s Syndrome.

TURLOUGH
Assuming the logs are reliable.

DOCTOR
And even if they did find a cure, it would still be forty years too soon. You can’t prevent what’s already happened.

NYSSA
I realise that, but I have to try. Too many lives are at stake. If we can get the information out, even on a time-delay -

DOCTOR
You’re right. It does seem we are running out of options...

TEGAN
But we don’t know what happened to the crew, we – (don’t know)

NYSSA
Yes, we do. We have the recordings of their final moments.

TURLOUGH
Maybe that’s why Edgar chose to play those projections? To tell us how the crew died, as a warning? Showing us what to avoid?

DOCTOR
Perhaps. Or perhaps they were simply the last recordings to be made.

(FX: THEY MOVE INTO AN ELEVATOR)

TEGAN
But if the crew were killed, where are the bodies? Shouldn’t there be three more corpses lying about the place?

DOCTOR
Yes. That does seem odd, now you mention it.

TEGAN
I’ll tell you something else that’s odd. If those remains are our future selves – and I’m not admitting they are – but just supposing they are, then where’s their TARDIS?

TURLOUGH
We haven’t searched the whole station, it could be anywhere -

TEGAN
And one more thing - four skeletons, lying on beds, in a room sealed from the inside. How did we end up like that? What, do you think we all just decided to lie down and die together?

NYSSA
You think the bodies were placed there?

TEGAN
I don’t know. But I do know that this doesn’t add up.

Later, when they travel back in time, Tegan is reluctant to leave the TARDIS:

TEGAN
You’re not seriously planning on going out there?

DOCTOR
Of course.

TEGAN
So you’re okay about ending up as one of those skeletons?

DOCTOR
No. But I’m not prepared to run away from my problems either. If something – or somebody – is behind this, if they’ve faked our deaths for a reason, I’d rather like to know why.

TEGAN
And if there isn’t somebody behind it? If those things really were us?

DOCTOR
Then at least I’ll have the comfort of finding out.

This next section was cut because it was reiterating stuff made clear elsewhere:

VANCE
Do what you like, I’m busy...

CARDELL
It’s alright, I’ll assist you. We can’t do it here, though.

MITCH
We’ll use the medical bay. Oh, and if you’re wondering where your guardian robot’s got to, I left him in the control room. Smouldering. Isn’t that right, Edgar?

EDGAR
Device in station control room now deactivated.

NYSSA
Loki!

MITCH
Looks like you’re on your own. Now, Doctor Cardell, if you’ll help me escort our prisoners to the medical bay...

And this small section was cut because again, it was spelling things out that were already clear:

CARDELL
To be honest, they’re so vicious anyway, how would you tell?

(FX: CAGE DOOR CLOSED WITH A CLANG)

NYSSA
(QUIET) Doctor, these creatures. I’ve seen them before. I must have been standing in that isolation chamber when they attacked. I mean, the person whose memory I saw -

DOCTOR
(QUIET) Probably best to keep that to ourselves for now.

Not much got cut from part three - just dull lines about doors and power supplies - though a couple of lines here were cut, maybe a little bit too cheeky:

PART THREE

TURLOUGH
Doctor, I think the argument is rather academic. It seems the future has a habit of happening whether we like it or not.

TEGAN
Yeah. And I’d like to see you try and shut me up!

DOCTOR
If I knew how to do that, I’d have done it a long time ago.

And finally, a very brief section from near the end of the final episode, with Nyssa and Turlough waiting for the TARDIS. I hate 'waiting' scenes, they're a pain to write and usually can and should be cut.

PART FOUR

TURLOUGH
Four beds. Four skeletons.

NYSSA
There has to be some other explanation.

TURLOUGH
We can’t leave, not until the atmosphere has been restored. We’re still trapped. Marooned!

NYSSA
The Doctor wouldn’t abandon us.

I Robot

Today, a couple of pics of one of the robots from my Doctor Who audio adventure The Cannibalists, as imagined and built by a chap called Malcolm. A terrific piece of work and startlingly close to how I imagined them. Click on the images to enlarge.

Statuesque

Time, I think, to post some more 'deleted scenes' from my audios. So expect a few such blogs over the next few days. But first, something a little different.

Back in 2010, when I wrote/adapted the 'lost' Johnny Byrne Doctor Who story The Guardians Of Prophecy, I wrote an article about all the changes and additions I had made. Mainly because I knew I'd forget them all, but also because I thought they might be of interest for anyone wanting to know how close - and how different - my adaptation was to the original synopsis.

GUARDIANS OF PROPHECY – Writer's Notes

My main source for the story was Johnny’s original 17-page story treatment, dated 26th July 1983. Apparently Johnny had been approached by the show’s producer, John Nathan-Turner, to submit a story with a similar feel to his earlier ‘The Keeper Of Traken’, bringing back that story’s monsters, the Melkur.  After he submitted the treatment, the story sadly went no further.

This 17-page treatment formed the basis of an article in Doctor Who Magazine in 1991 (issue 170) which was, to begin with, my only source of information on the story. However, mentioning this project to a friend of mine, Sarah Groenewegen, it turns out that she had been pen-pals with Johnny Byrne during the 80’s and that he had given her a copy of his original story treatment for ‘The Guardians Of Prophecy’. Which was extremely good news for me (although I still referred to the DWM article for one section of the story, where a page of the story treatment was missing).

In adapting the story for audio, I inevitably had to make a few changes to the story. Many of these changes, though, would probably have had to been made along similar lines if the story had been produced during the 1980’s. On several occasions I was given the choice between sticking to the story outline, or changing some details to serve the story better. These are the changes I made, bearing in mind the style of the show at the time, and taking for guidance the dramatic structures of Johnny Byrne’s three other Doctor Who stories.

Firstly, in making the story for four episodes, I had to decide on the cliff-hangers. The middle cliff-hanger was fairly straightforward – the synopsis has three big cliff-hanger moments about half-way through – but the other two were not so straightforward. For the other two, I took inspiration from the cliff-hangers of Johnny Byrne’s episode ones and threes, episode one usually ending with a capture, episode three ending with the villain seeming victorious.

When working on the DWM synopsis, my first change was to include an extra character for the opening vault robbery, and so I was pleased when I saw, in Johnny’s original treatment, that that had been his intention all along!

The most significant change for episode one was that Johnny’s synopsis begins with the Doctor giving Peri a long history-lesson on Serenity, Malador and Melkurs in the TARDIS before they arrive. I’m not sure that this would have made it to the finished script, had it been commissioned, it reads more like the writer making things clear up-front. I decided that it would be more dramatic if this information wasn’t all delivered up-front (which would also have been too similar to another of the Lost Story audios) and that the story would be more exciting if the Doctor didn’t know everything in advance.

This also meant changing the reason why the TARDIS landed on Serenity. Johnny’s story treatment has the Doctor seeing a beam of light shining from the planet which jogs a memory of his visit to Traken. However, keen fans will know that no such thing actually happened in ‘The Keeper Of Traken’ and a beam of light isn’t very audio-friendly, so I changed it to the TARDIS picking up a broadcast of the Lament of the Melkur, which causes it to be dragged off-course. This also seeded a way of getting across what Melkur is doing at the end of episode three, when the Lament is heard again.

For similar reasons, I dispensed with voice-activated snares in the Enclosure, as the only way to get past them would be by not talking, which wouldn’t have worked very well on audio. I also made it clear that Ebbko did not know about Malador (the treatment has Ebbko wanting to have the glory of having broken into the Tomb of Malador) as it would make him seem rather foolish, given what later transpires. That’s also why in episode two I removed a section where Peri and Ebbko attempt to stop Auga deactivating Prophecy, as the synopsis has Auga defeating this attempt, only to then decide, quite inexplicably, not to kill them.

The treatment described the Enclosure as being a ‘wooded area’ but I felt it would be more likely, and more in keeping with ‘The Keeper Of Traken’, if ‘The Guardians Of Prophecy’ was adapted as though it had been an entirely studio-bound story. I therefore cut a short sequence where the Doctor and Peri discover a skeleton amidst the overgrown tombs.

Other changes to the first part were to remove a section with the Doctor being knocked out while being chased by a Quester and regaining consciousness.  I also avoided calling the purloined keys ‘sacred medallions’ as that seemed silly (reminding me of 80's 'medallion men'). They became ‘sacred amulets’.

A problem with this episode is that the ‘sacred amulets’ are stolen from the reliquary but, despite their great historical importance, the fact that they’re missing isn’t noticed – not even by the all-knowing Prophecy. I did write a draft of the first two episodes in which the Elect and Prophecy are very much aware that the amulets have been stolen – and accuse the Doctor of being the culprit – but in the end I abandoned it because it was too much of a deviation from Johnny’s synopsis, because it meant the ‘trial’ scene went on even longer, and because it meant there was  too much embarrassing talk of ‘sacred amulets’. It meant that there’s a small plot inconsistency with an all-knowing computer not noticing that it’s control keys have been stolen, but that’s Johnny’s plot-inconsistency, not mine!

The only other major change was with the Elect. The story treatment names four members of the Elect – Mansa (religious), Horgan (military), Grielan (commerce) and Felia (scientific) – of which only two members, Horgan and Felia, are ever heard of again. Given the limited cast size, it seemed a bit wasteful to have four members of the Elect, so I stuck with just two. Working from the DWM article, I had named the Elect members Veron and Demas. They became Felia and Horgan.

In episode two, I had Prophecy talking to the Doctor in the labyrinth, partly to give him someone to talk to, and partly as a way of the Doctor being given information that he would otherwise have had to discover apropos of nothing.

The story treatment had the Doctor turning up in Malador’s tomb just as Malador is revived, only to desperately – and ineffectively – attempt to switch off the power. This seemed to undermine the Doctor’s character, having him fail, and would also have required Malador’s resurrection to take an inordinately long time.

The biggest change to episode three was to keep Auga alive. In the treatment, he is killed shortly after Malador awakes, but for the audio, I needed someone for Malador to speak to, so I had Auga brought back to life for the remainder of the episode.

Another change was that in the treatment Mura’s ‘resistance crumbles’  upon hearing of Auga’s death and he surrenders to the Elect, only for the Melkur to smash into the chamber and kill him. This cheapened the character, I felt, and seemed a little pointless, so I decided to have Mura fighting to the bitter end.

Where possible, I tried to use actual lines from Johnny’s story treatment (though it doesn’t contain much in the way of dialogue) – for example, Malador’s line ‘Soon you, and your brothers in evil, will feast upon the banquet of death I will provide’ and Prophecy’s line ‘the ripples will become a tide of evil that will overwhelm us all.’

For part four, I had a couple of problems to solve. Firstly, there was not quite enough plot to fill 25 minutes, and secondly, in the treatment the Elect are locked in a dungeon and then never heard of again until the farewell scene, and after Ebbko gets them into the Tomb he’s never heard of again either. So I gave the Elect their own little sub-plot and made more of Ebbko at the story’s climax (which also gave Peri someone to talk to). I also clarified why Malador was keeping the Elect alive.

Part four in the DWM feature has the Doctor confronting Malador in his tomb; however, Johnny’s treatment (on which the DWM feature was based) has the Doctor confronting Malador in the Guardians’ Chamber, which makes a lot more sense.

I also greatly clarified the nature of the ‘power Labyrinth’, ‘the energy sphere’ and so forth which is quite confusing in the treatment and the DWM synopsis and risked being a load of technobabble.

And finally, the story ends with Malador ‘clawing at the Tardis screen’, again not something that would really come across on audio.

My main contribution to the story, I feel, was that what intrigued me about Johnny’s story treatment was the way it used ‘good’ and ‘evil’ as though they were real, elemental forces, so that’s an area that I built up – developing the ideas of a ‘protective shield of goodness’ and exploring the notion of Malador, a being of pure evil, and how he might have come into being.

Bathysphere

Time for another plug.

Out now, courtesy of Big Finish Productions, is Doctor Who: Phantoms Of The Deep, a new audio adventure written by yours truly, starring Tom Baker as the Doctor, Mary Tamm as his companion Romana and John Leeson as the robotic dog on casters K-9. The story is set in the deepest depths of the ocean, specifically the Mariana Trench, and concerns all sorts of sinister goings-on with various denizens of the dark. It combines Doctor Who with one of my other little obsessions, deep-sea creatures.

Having listened to it last night, I have to say that director Ken Bentley and noise bod Jamie Robertson have done an exceptional job on it. Irrespective of any qualities of the script, the end result is fast-moving, suspenseful, atmospheric and scary, and sounds like a big-budget movie. I couldn’t be more pleased with the end result, and as with all these projects, I feel very lucky to have been involved, like I’ve won some sort of competition.

In particular, and I may have mentioned it before so please feel free to glaze over, there was the moment in the recording studio where I heard Tom and John record their first scene together as Doctor and dog. Now, Tom was on fine form, full of energy and enthusiasm, firing on every cylinder going, and when John Leeson does the K-9 voice, he sounds pretty much identical to how he did on telly back in the day (they stick an electronic effect on too, but not so that you’d notice.) So there I was, Jonny the balding thirty-something fan, sitting in the recording control room and I hear the Doctor and K-9 speaking words I’ve written, sounding for all the world like it’s 1978 and they’re back in the TARDIS and suddenly I’m Jonathan, five years old, sitting cross-legged about a dozen inches from the television. It was a real feeling, a visceral jolt of nostalgia, like I’d done some time-travelling of my own. Now, I can’t guarantee this audio will have that effect on every listener but it did on me. There was quantifiable ‘indefinable magic’.

Reviewers so far have been very kind to take pains to mention that this story was recorded before the recent television adventure set in a submarine, as I seem a little foolish (well, a little more foolish than usual) in the accompanying interview saying that there’s never been a Doctor Who story set on a submarine before (at least, to my knowledge). To give an idea of time-scales, I wrote Phantoms back in August 2011 with it being recorded in October; long before anyone working on the TV show had even heard of submarines. (At the same time, I was finishing The Child of Time comic strip and script-editing The Wrath of the Iceni, and don’t they both seem like distant memories?)

In the writing of it, this was one story where it all just clicked, where every problem became a plot twist and everything just fitted together so neatly by accident it looked like I’d done it intentionally. The intention with it was to do something as different from The Auntie Matter as possible, to show my ‘range’ if you like, to go dark and claustrophobic where I’d been sunny and expansive, but to be even more fast-moving, more tightly-plotted than before. I very strongly believe that you not only can tell the equivalent of an old four-part story within 45 minutes but that you should. Not just to give fans bangs for bucks, but because we’re all so familiar with the format we can take chunks of it ‘as read’. Compressing a story down, taking half a dozen lines of dialogue and getting the same amount of meaning, character and humour across in two lines, that’s what re-writing’s all about.

  

So please buy it. Phantoms of the Deep can be bought/ordered/downloaded from here.