The Robots

The writing of Doctor Who: The Cannibalists (released in 2009) was extremely straightforward, with the script only going to a second draft (and the second draft not having many changes.) Which means, unfortunately, there aren’t really any ‘deleted scenes’ for me to share here.

But before I handed in the first draft, I did cut out a couple of short sections, for reasons I can’t remember. Firstly, from part two, where Lucie encounters the titular Cannibalists:

LUCIE:

Yeah, that’s right. You know the legend, about humans coming back to take charge? Well, that’s me. I’m the legendary Lucie, so you’d better do as you’re told, or...

TITUS:

Or?

LUCIE:

Or I’ll switch you all off right now. Using the ‘reset’!

TITUS:

The what?

LUCIE:

(WHOOPS MOMENT) You don’t know about the reset?

TITUS:

No. 

LUCIE:

Yeah, well, you’ve been warned, high and mighty Titus, so if you could just let us go we’ll hear no more about it -

TITUS:

You’re lying. If ya coulda shut us down, you’da done it before I fried up ya friend there.

LUCIE:

But do you really want to risk calling my bluff, though?

TITUS:

(CONSIDERS) Yeah. Go on. Do it. Switch off our power.

LUCIE:

This is your last chance... I’ll count to three. One...

And later on, when the Doctor encounters the Cannibalists:

DOCTOR:

Titus! How are you? Looking a bit worse for wear, if you don’t mind me saying. Slightly singed around the edges...
 

TITUS:

Y’know, there’s nothing I ‘appreciate’ more than a good chase. So boring when drones don’t bother to run, don’t fight back, don’t beg for mercy. But now... I think I’ve had enough ‘fun’ with you.

DOCTOR:

Well, as one mushroom said to the other, I’m a fun guy. Keep back, Titus! Remember what happened last time?
 

CANNIBALISTS GRUNT AND SURROUND OUR HEROES. WHIRR! WHIRR!

TITUS:

Or what? The Haven’s mine now, ‘Doctor’. There ain’t nothing ya can do without me knowing about it.

The only other thing resembling a ‘deleted scene’ is this sequence from part one, which I wrote to play in the background as the Doctor and Lucie are observed by the Assemblers.

FOLLOWING DIALOGUE IS ONLY TO BE USED TO GO UNDER THE DIALOGUE IN NEXT SCENE, WITH US HEARING ONLY BRIEF SNATCHES. THE DOCTOR AND LUCIE ARE BEING OBSERVED WALKING THE SPACESHIP CORRIDORS.

LUCIE:

So which way?

DOCTOR:

Down here looks promising.
 

LUCIE:

Yeah, because one tunnel is so different from any other.
 

DOCTOR:

Oh no. Oh no. Please, don’t say it.

LUCIE: 
Say what?

DOCTOR:

All these corridors look the same.

LUCIE:

Hey, now that you come to mention it... woah, what’s this?

DOCTOR:
What’s what? 

LUCIE:

Oi, shine that torch over here a minute. Hey, it’s a sign. And it’s in English! ‘Lower Transept.’ 

DOCTOR:

Interesting. 

LUCIE:

I’ll say. So whoever built this space station spoke English! 

DOCTOR: 
Not necessarily. The TARDIS telepathic circuits automatically translate writing and speech for you. I’m surprised you haven’t wondered why everywhere we go, everybody speaks English.

LUCIE:
Not really. I’d have been surprised if they all spoke French, though. God, wouldn’t that be weird? Just imagine it. Going somewhere and finding that everyone there spoke French!

DOCTOR:
Like France?

LUCIE:
Exactly!

Savage Moon

Back home in my office again after two marvellous days in a studio somewhere in North London (I’m being vague because I’m not sure whether the name of the studio is public knowledge, not that I’m not sure where it is). It’s always lovely when my words are brought to life by talented actors and I end up sounding like a good writer and this was certainly one of those occasions. You can never tell until you hear the finished product but certainly on the basis of the performances we recorded, we’re onto another winner.  I felt that ‘bloody hell, where did that come from?’ feeling that I felt while we were recording ‘Protect & Survive’.

What was being recorded? It’s announced in the latest issue of DWM. Which is conspicuously lacking in any written material by yours truly, so readers are already declaring it ‘the best issue ever’.

At 6pm this afternoon one of my Doctor Who plays from 2010 is being broadcast for the first time on BBC Radio 4 extra. It’s called Deimos, and stars Paul McGann as the Doctor and Niky Wardley as his companion Tamsin, with a guest performance from the legendary David Warner. Together they face the villainous Ice Warriors. I think it’s a cracking story (director Barnaby Edwards did a fantastic job) – when I first got it, I must’ve listened to it half a dozen times, which never happens – and the adventure will continue on Monday next week with the next instalment, The Resurrection Of Mars.

This web page will explain more. Previously on my blog I’ve written about writing the play and posted the first couple of pages (which are a sort-of parody of elements of the plays Red Dawn and The Judgement Of Isskar, inspired by finding the script for an audio guide in the recording studio unidentified above).

Finally, and most exciting of all, Big Finish have posted the trailer for my forthcoming entirely original science fiction audio series, Vienna, starring Chase Masterson. It sounds truly epic and a little bit bonkers. Again, I can’t quite believe that something so marvellous started out as one of my scripts, written in a wild caffeine-fuelled fever. The trailer can be found here - you'll see a link just below the cover artwork.

Mary, Mary

Mary’s Story – released as part of Doctor Who: The Company Of Friends in 2009 – was another story where the final script was pretty much unchanged from the first draft. But, along with numerous pointless tweaks to punctuation, there were a few bits taken out, which can be read and enjoyed below.

The story concerns the eighth Doctor (Paul McGann) meeting Mary Shelley and friends at the Villa Diodati in a series of events uncannily similar to those depicted in ‘Frankenstein’. The story is currently available here. Warning: the following excerpts may constitute spoilers.

The first and largest deleted section was from the beginning of the story as the occupants of the Villa Diodati chat amongst themselves and the author takes great pains to show off how much research he’s done. It was cut for that reason.

2: INSIDE VILLA, STUDY/OUTSIDE VILLA, FOREST.

A DOOR SLAMS ON THE WIND AND THE RAIN AND WE ARE IN A STUDY. A FIRE CRACKLES REASSURINGLY. A CLOCK TICS OUT THE SECONDS.

WE DRIFT IN AND OUT OF CONVERSATIONS, OVERLAPPING, DREAMLIKE.

BYRON: (READING POEM ALOUD)

“I had a dream, which was not all a dream

The bright sun was extinguish’d, and the stars

Did wander darkling in the eternal space...”

POLIDORI:

The difference... the difference between death and life is a question of an intrinsic stimulus, a... vital warmth.

BYRON:

You’ve read Doctor Darwin’s work in this area, I assume? The amusing experiment with the vermicelli –

CLAIRE:

(INCREDULUOUS, LAUGH) Vermicelli?

PERCY:

I was thinking more of the process of ‘Galvanisation’. If an electrostatic spark can occasion movement in frog’s legs –

BYRON:

Then – I see - might not a larger electrical charge (be)-

PERCY:

- be used to bestow a whole body with a spirit of animation.

POLIDORI:

You could bring back the dead!

CLAIRE: (READING STORY ALOUD)

“It is believed that if a child speaks to the head of its deceased parent upon the stroke of midnight, the head will return to life.”

WE SHIFT OUT OF ‘DREAMLIKE’ AND ENTER SCENE PROPERLY.

BYRON: (READING POEM)

“...and full in view. Behold! Her bosom and half her side,

Hideous, deformed and pale of hue

A sight to dream of, not to tell

And she is to sleep by Christabel!”

LIGHT APPLAUSE. CLINKING OF DRINKS.

The other main deletion was cut because the author was being naughty and including a jokey reference to the new series (and explaining a point of continuity that nobody wanted explained)

TARDIS HAS LANDED. CRUMP! DOOR SWINGS OPEN.

CLAIRE:

Mary!

MARY:

(RELIEF, GREETING) Claire, Doctor Polidori –

POLIDORI:

And the Doctor... Doctor, what is this blue hut of yours?

DOCTOR:

The TARDIS, it’s – (TAKEN ABACK) I don’t believe it. The windows are the wrong size! How did I manage to do that?

With this joke being lost, a later reference to what had happened also had to be cut:

DOCTOR:

In case you’ve forgotten, I was answering a distress signal – the one you sent? ‘Time Lord in need of urgent assistance!’

FUTURE DOCTOR:

Well, if you expect me to be (grateful) (SEES SOMETHING, APPALLED) What have you done to my Tardis?