The story only went through two drafts; the first draft was
written in about two weeks, which is fairly normal for me. It went through
various titles; initially it was The
Auntie Matter, but there was a villain in the forthcoming TV series called
Auntie (this was back in 2011), so then it became The Aunt and the Time Lord, then Reginald and the Time Lady before it happily became The Auntie Matter again. It’s so hard
coming up with titles when you get a good one you don’t want to let it go.
The main reason for most of these cuts is because the first
draft was about 1000 words overlength. So whenever something didn’t work, or if
script editor John Dorney or producer David Richardson weren’t keen, it meant I
could simply cut it. For instance,
originally it began with some narration:
ROMANA: (NARRATION)
It was a glorious morning, of blue skies and golden
sunshine, the kind of morning that makes one glad to be alive. Insects droned
in the hedgerows. Rabbits scampered in the fields. And Reginald
Cummerleigh-Bassett and his fiancée Florence Wickham wove their way through the
best that Hampshire had to offer in Reginald’s gleaming two-seater...
I think the opening
bit was too long, so this got chopped:
REGGIE:
Oh no, queen of my heart. I’m sure she’ll consider you just
the ticket. She’s always on at me to find a nice well-educated girl with which
to tie the proverbial knot, a girl of wholesome stock, of indomitable spirit!
FLORENCE:
You make me sound like a thoroughbred racehorse.
REGGIE:
Merely attempting to put your mind at rest that you will fit
the matrimonial bill. She is sure to adore you as I do.
Whenever a character has the same line twice in a scene, it’s
often a hint that you should cut out everything in between:
AUNT:
Bring her forward, so that I might see her.
REGGIE:
Would you like me to draw the curtains? I can barely see
where you are, and it’s a topper of a day out there –
AUNT:
No. The light, it hurts my eyes. Bring the girl forward!
(FX: THEY MOVE FORWARD)
REGGIE:
Here she is, Auntie, the girl who recently consented to
become my wife.
The next bit was a bit
too say-what-you-see:
FLORENCE:
Procedure? What procedure?
AUNT:
You may now gaze upon my face, my dear.
(FX: VEIL PULLED BACK)
FLORENCE:
(HORRIFIED) But... no...
AUNT:
Yes. To look at me, at this desiccated corpse, you would
think I was a thousand years old. And this is what you shall become!
FLORENCE:
What? No... you can’t – you can’t – (SCREAMS)
And this was
over-explaining stuff that was already clear:
REGGIE:
But... I don’t understand. What have you done with Florence?
FLORENCE:
Her mind no longer exists, Reginald dear. And as for her
body, her body now belongs to me! (LAUGHS EVILLY)
And this was
explaining stuff that would explained again later on:
FLORENCE:
I had no alternative. My old body was close to death.
REGGIE:
Your old body?
FLORENCE:
The inhabitation of another’s form has the unfortunate
side-effect of accelerating the aging process. Already I can feel the advance
of years on this body. I will soon need another. Each time, so much more rapid
than the last...
I can’t remember why
this next bit was cut. Probably because it could be, which is reason enough.
DOCTOR:
Well, no, it was a complete accident. But I don’t know what
you’re complaining about. I found us a nice house, didn’t I?
ROMANA:
Yes. Though only by posing as members of the aristocracy.
DOCTOR:
I’m a Time Lord, you’re a Time Lady, it’s near enough.
As was, probably,
this:
REGGIE:
You coming in here, asking about books on the photo-jiggumy
effect, when that’s precisely what I was here for too!
ROMANA:
Actually, I’m interested in all fields of advanced science –
REGGIE:
Really! By jiminy, we’re as alike as two peas in a pod!
And this:
REGGIE:
... Not that I’d recommend doing that, though. Danger to
traffic.
(FX: CAR SLOWS AND COMES TO A HALT UNDER FOLLOWING)
GRENVILLE:
My lord...
REGGIE:
Ah, we’re here! No place like home!
ROMANA:
So this is Bassett Hall. I’m impressed.
REGGIE:
Yes, well, it keeps the rain off. Still... the scent of
honeysuckle in the air, a topping sunset on the horizon, enough to put one in a
forgiving mood, what?
I think the next bit
was cut because it’s very say-what-you-see and a bit standing-around-talking-when-you-should-be-running!
ROMANA:
Run!
REGGIE:
But Auntie, she’s going all crinkly –
ROMANA:
Whatever that thing is, it’s not your Auntie. Well? Are you
going to come with me or are you going to stand there gawping?
REGGIE:
Come with you!
In draft two I edited
the next bit down to a single sentence:
(FX: ROMANA AND REGGIE RUNNING)
REGGIE:
I say. I say! Miss Romana!
ROMANA:
What is it?
REGGIE:
When we were back there, with my Aunt and Grenville? You
called me Reggie. A girl’s never called me Reggie before.
ROMANA:
This isn’t really the time. We have to keep moving.
REGGIE:
Righty-ho. Where to?
The next bit was cut
because it could be, I expect:
ROMANA:
Well, I just thought it needed to be said, that’s all.
REGGIE:
No, very kind of you, to clear up any misunderstanding. I
just thought, well, what with you being so dashed super, you were the one.
It’s a shame the next
bit was cut, it’s rather sweet. Probably my idea to cut it too! Oh well!
REGGIE:
What about you? You out here on your merry old tod too?
MABEL:
Well, I was here with my master -
REGGIE:
Your master?
MABEL:
I work as a kitchen maid, sir.
REGGIE:
Oh. Never mind. It was either that or being a star of the
silver screen, I imagine.
MABEL:
The silver screen, sir?
REGGIE:
With looks like yours, don’t tell me you never considered it?
You must’ve had offers, surely?
MABEL:
No, sir.
REGGIE:
Then there is no justice in the world, because as far as I
can see, Mabel, you are a complete topper.
The next bit... seems
important, until you realise you can cut it:
DOCTOR:
You have to get away from here, run to the nearest village,
as fast as you can.
MABEL:
But what about you, sir, and Reggie?
DOCTOR:
Reggie’s going to take me to see his Aunt. Isn’t that right,
Reggie?
REGGIE:
Is it?
DOCTOR:
You said she wasn’t herself. Well, I’m a Doctor.
REGGIE:
Oh, you think you might be able to work out what’s wrong
with the old bird?
DOCTOR:
Precisely. Well?
The next bit was cut
down from:
REGGIE:
Bait?
FLORENCE:
My robots servants could bring me girls unwillingly, but I
needed someone to go out into the world and find me new hosts. And so I found
an orphaned child and brought him up as my own, until such time as he was old
enough to put to work.
REGGIE:
You mean my whole life has just been a lie? I’ve just been
used? To bring you new bodies?
to simply:
REGGIE:
Bait? You mean, you wanted to hook girls in – with me as the
worm?
Once again, a
character saying the same line twice is an invitation to cut the bit in between,
as the memory wipe device had already been established elsewhere:
REGGIE:
I won’t let you do this...
FLORENCE:
Don’t worry, Reginald. When this is all over, I will wipe
your memory as I have done so many times before. You won’t remember a thing.
REGGIE:
No. No! I won’t let you.
The next bit.. it must’ve
been cut because of a note. I quite like it, as it suggests the Aunt had some
genuine affection for Reggie, but it doesn’t quite fit, so fair enough.
FLORENCE:
Reginald... I... am close to death. Please. Forgive me.
REGGIE:
For what? Trying to kill me?
FLORENCE:
Find a good girl... a girl you love... (DIES)
REGGIE:
She’s gone.
The next bit... doesn’t
quite work, which was helpfully pointed out to me so I came up with something funnier and pithier
in the finished script.
REGGIE:
From the very first moment I set eyes upon you.
MABEL:
Oh, Reggie!
REGGIE:
I thought, she’s the one for you Reggie, and no mistake. A
match made in heaven. Another bull’s eye for cupid.
MABEL:
Love at first sight.
REGGIE:
Absolutely.
MABEL:
Me too. From the very first moment.
REGGIE:
So, what do you say, a spot of breakfast, and then maybe
whizz into town to choose a ring?
MABEL:
I’m not sure that’s a good idea.
REGGIE:
No?
MABEL:
Let’s skip breakfast, I’d only burn it anyway
And finally – my original
idea for the ending was that it would end with the Doctor and Romana talking
over each other, like a Frasier/Niles argument. I think it was recorded but
didn’t work in the edit, so the first draft ending of:
DOCTOR:
Romana, get the butler to make us cup of tea. I think we
have a spot of explaining to do.
was used instead. But
here’s what the Frasier-style ending
would’ve been.
ROMANA:
Yes. You don’t mean to say you were there too?
(ROMANA AND THE DOCTOR THEN BICKER, TALKING OVER EACH OTHER)
DOCTOR: (OVER ROMANA’S FOLLOWING LINE)
Yes, of course, I faced an alien Valjax that had possessed
the body of a woman. There’s no way you can have been there, I feel sure I
would have noticed, and even if you were, who was it who set the robot
gamekeeper to explode -
ROMANA: (OVER THE DOCTOR’S PRECEDING LINE)
You faced an alien Valjax? I think you’ll find that I was
the one who faced the alien Valjax, and if you were there you weren’t the one
who defeated it because I was the one who set the robot butler to explode –
(AS THE BICKERING CONTINUES, WE GO INTO THE CLOSING MUSIC)
* The only thing I’d
change about it is Reggie’s speech impediment, not my idea, not the sort of
thing I find funny. Sorry!
