Step Back In Time

Digging through the 'archives' looking for more detailed scenes from my Doctor Who things, I've failed to find anything at all from A Perfect World (save for a line about 'pod-people from the planet Benetton') or The Spirit Trap, so moving on, to Cobwebs. Available to purchase here from Big Finish.

Most of the following deleted scenes from Cobwebs were cut during the original drafting process, so didn't even appear in the official 'draft one'. Generally, when writing I write long and then edit them down to length, so most if not all of these bits were cut for that reason; because they were reiterating plot points made elsewhere, or because they added unnecessary complications, or drew attention to plot holes by explaining them! They are presented merely for information; they were cut because they were dull, so don't expect anything exciting.

The biggest change from the first draft was that initially it opened with the scenes with Nyssa, and then moved to a fairly subdued TARDIS scene (designed to follow on seamlessly from the end of Enlightenment). Script editor Alan Barnes suggested that the story should open with a scene with Tegan at her most Tegan-ish, arguing with the Doctor and quoting her Aunt Vanessa, as it would be the first story with Janet Fielding reprising the role of Tegan for goodness knows how many years.

This scene also has Turlough claiming that his home planet is Gamma Helios; after all, if the Doctor is trying to get him home, he has to claim to have come from somewhere.

PART ONE

4. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM

(FX: TARDIS HUM)

DOCTOR
You’re sure?

TURLOUGH
I’m sure.

DOCTOR
You’re welcome to travel with us, you know. Tegan wouldn’t mind. Well, she might, but I wouldn’t pay it any attention.

TURLOUGH
No, Doctor. It’s my decision.

DOCTOR
Very well. Your home planet. Name?

TURLOUGH
Gamma Helios. Co-ordinates nine by nine four oblique one.

(FX: BUTTONS PRESSED)

DOCTOR
Shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes.

TURLOUGH
Thank you. I’m very grateful, Doctor, for everything...

DOCTOR
Don’t mention it. Everyone deserves a chance to make amends. Speaking of which. You should talk to Tegan.

TURLOUGH
I, ah, don’t think she wants to talk to me.

DOCTOR
You’ll find that Tegan doesn’t always get what she wants around here. Go.

And then, when Turlough goes to speak to Tegan:

TEGAN
Turlough, what are you up to?

TURLOUGH
It’s complicated. The situation with my family, I mean.

TEGAN
Oh well, I can understand that. You should see my lot. Half of them on one side of the world, half of them on the other, both lots trying to pretend that the other lot doesn’t exist. Is it the same with you?

TURLOUGH
Something like that. It’s not a subject – (that’s easy to)

(FX: A GRINDING GROAN AS THE TARDIS LURCHES OUT OF CONTROL)

Later, when they meet Nyssa, she explains about the Richter's Syndrome virus:

NYSSA
We thought it had been wiped out, until ten years ago, when suddenly a new, more powerful strain emerged as though from nowhere. Within months it had spread across the galaxy. We estimate that over seventy billion people are now infected.

TEGAN
Seventy billion? That’s more than the population of Earth!

NYSSA
The virus is highly infectious. Within minutes of exposure, the sufferer experiences extreme pain, followed by a period of rage and paranoia, followed by death.

TEGAN
Sounds like rabies, but worse.

And later in the episode, Tegan and Nyssa have a bit of a heart-to-heart:

TEGAN
Maybe they were using this place for a Jewish wedding. Which reminds me, I must have fifty years of gossip to catch up on. So has there been anyone, to help pass you your test-tubes?

NYSSA
One or two. But no-one at present. I’m not an easy person to be romantically involved with.

(FX: NYSSA PRESSING BUTTONS, ACTIVATING COMPUTERS)

TEGAN
Baggage?

NYSSA
That’s putting it mildly. And my work means I’ve had to spend months, years travelling between worlds. It’s not really a life that I could share.

TEGAN
You don’t have any regrets, though? About leaving us?

NYSSA
No.

TEGAN
Really?

NYSSA
Well, one or two. I’ve been fulfilled, don’t get me wrong, but, yes, there have been times when I’ve looked out at the stars and wondered where you and the Doctor were, what adventures you were having. And now it turns out I’ve only missed two days!

TEGAN
Still missed having you around.

NYSSA
And I’ve missed you too, Tegan. It’s very strange seeing you again now.

TEGAN
I know what you mean. It’s like when I go back to Brisbane; I might’ve been away for three years but as far as everyone else is concerned, it might as well be the next day.

NYSSA
What about you? How long do you think you’ll stay with the Doctor?

TEGAN
I don’t know. For as long as it’s fun, I suppose.

NYSSA
You never struck me as finding the experience enjoyable...?

TEGAN
Oh, I’ve been having the time of my life. But don’t tell the Doctor that. If he ever found out he’d be unbearable.

NYSSA
I promise. The computer logs should be functional by now, I can’t see what’s wrong.

Following on from the earlier cut scene about Turlough's home planet, this scene was also trimmed:

(FX: SCRAMBLING THROUGH RUBBLE)

TURLOUGH
Doctor. About you returning me to my home planet...

DOCTOR
(ENGROSSED IN WORK) Changed your mind?

TURLOUGH
No.

DOCTOR
You know, you don’t look like a native of Gamma Helios. As far as I remember the main species on that world is a type of vapour squid. But if that’s where you say you’re from...

TURLOUGH
Can I ask you another question?

A large chunk was cut/rewritten from Part Two because it was basically reiterating things that didn't need reiterating:

PART TWO
 
21. CORRIDOR

TEGAN
I’m not happy about any of this.

DOCTOR
You surprise me.

TURLOUGH
I agree with Tegan. It feels as though we’re being manipulated.

NYSSA
Doctor, we don’t have any choice. According to the memnonic logs, the crew discovered a cure to Baxetter’s Syndrome.

TURLOUGH
Assuming the logs are reliable.

DOCTOR
And even if they did find a cure, it would still be forty years too soon. You can’t prevent what’s already happened.

NYSSA
I realise that, but I have to try. Too many lives are at stake. If we can get the information out, even on a time-delay -

DOCTOR
You’re right. It does seem we are running out of options...

TEGAN
But we don’t know what happened to the crew, we – (don’t know)

NYSSA
Yes, we do. We have the recordings of their final moments.

TURLOUGH
Maybe that’s why Edgar chose to play those projections? To tell us how the crew died, as a warning? Showing us what to avoid?

DOCTOR
Perhaps. Or perhaps they were simply the last recordings to be made.

(FX: THEY MOVE INTO AN ELEVATOR)

TEGAN
But if the crew were killed, where are the bodies? Shouldn’t there be three more corpses lying about the place?

DOCTOR
Yes. That does seem odd, now you mention it.

TEGAN
I’ll tell you something else that’s odd. If those remains are our future selves – and I’m not admitting they are – but just supposing they are, then where’s their TARDIS?

TURLOUGH
We haven’t searched the whole station, it could be anywhere -

TEGAN
And one more thing - four skeletons, lying on beds, in a room sealed from the inside. How did we end up like that? What, do you think we all just decided to lie down and die together?

NYSSA
You think the bodies were placed there?

TEGAN
I don’t know. But I do know that this doesn’t add up.

Later, when they travel back in time, Tegan is reluctant to leave the TARDIS:

TEGAN
You’re not seriously planning on going out there?

DOCTOR
Of course.

TEGAN
So you’re okay about ending up as one of those skeletons?

DOCTOR
No. But I’m not prepared to run away from my problems either. If something – or somebody – is behind this, if they’ve faked our deaths for a reason, I’d rather like to know why.

TEGAN
And if there isn’t somebody behind it? If those things really were us?

DOCTOR
Then at least I’ll have the comfort of finding out.

This next section was cut because it was reiterating stuff made clear elsewhere:

VANCE
Do what you like, I’m busy...

CARDELL
It’s alright, I’ll assist you. We can’t do it here, though.

MITCH
We’ll use the medical bay. Oh, and if you’re wondering where your guardian robot’s got to, I left him in the control room. Smouldering. Isn’t that right, Edgar?

EDGAR
Device in station control room now deactivated.

NYSSA
Loki!

MITCH
Looks like you’re on your own. Now, Doctor Cardell, if you’ll help me escort our prisoners to the medical bay...

And this small section was cut because again, it was spelling things out that were already clear:

CARDELL
To be honest, they’re so vicious anyway, how would you tell?

(FX: CAGE DOOR CLOSED WITH A CLANG)

NYSSA
(QUIET) Doctor, these creatures. I’ve seen them before. I must have been standing in that isolation chamber when they attacked. I mean, the person whose memory I saw -

DOCTOR
(QUIET) Probably best to keep that to ourselves for now.

Not much got cut from part three - just dull lines about doors and power supplies - though a couple of lines here were cut, maybe a little bit too cheeky:

PART THREE

TURLOUGH
Doctor, I think the argument is rather academic. It seems the future has a habit of happening whether we like it or not.

TEGAN
Yeah. And I’d like to see you try and shut me up!

DOCTOR
If I knew how to do that, I’d have done it a long time ago.

And finally, a very brief section from near the end of the final episode, with Nyssa and Turlough waiting for the TARDIS. I hate 'waiting' scenes, they're a pain to write and usually can and should be cut.

PART FOUR

TURLOUGH
Four beds. Four skeletons.

NYSSA
There has to be some other explanation.

TURLOUGH
We can’t leave, not until the atmosphere has been restored. We’re still trapped. Marooned!

NYSSA
The Doctor wouldn’t abandon us.

I Robot

Today, a couple of pics of one of the robots from my Doctor Who audio adventure The Cannibalists, as imagined and built by a chap called Malcolm. A terrific piece of work and startlingly close to how I imagined them. Click on the images to enlarge.

Statuesque

Time, I think, to post some more 'deleted scenes' from my audios. So expect a few such blogs over the next few days. But first, something a little different.

Back in 2010, when I wrote/adapted the 'lost' Johnny Byrne Doctor Who story The Guardians Of Prophecy, I wrote an article about all the changes and additions I had made. Mainly because I knew I'd forget them all, but also because I thought they might be of interest for anyone wanting to know how close - and how different - my adaptation was to the original synopsis.

GUARDIANS OF PROPHECY – Writer's Notes

My main source for the story was Johnny’s original 17-page story treatment, dated 26th July 1983. Apparently Johnny had been approached by the show’s producer, John Nathan-Turner, to submit a story with a similar feel to his earlier ‘The Keeper Of Traken’, bringing back that story’s monsters, the Melkur.  After he submitted the treatment, the story sadly went no further.

This 17-page treatment formed the basis of an article in Doctor Who Magazine in 1991 (issue 170) which was, to begin with, my only source of information on the story. However, mentioning this project to a friend of mine, Sarah Groenewegen, it turns out that she had been pen-pals with Johnny Byrne during the 80’s and that he had given her a copy of his original story treatment for ‘The Guardians Of Prophecy’. Which was extremely good news for me (although I still referred to the DWM article for one section of the story, where a page of the story treatment was missing).

In adapting the story for audio, I inevitably had to make a few changes to the story. Many of these changes, though, would probably have had to been made along similar lines if the story had been produced during the 1980’s. On several occasions I was given the choice between sticking to the story outline, or changing some details to serve the story better. These are the changes I made, bearing in mind the style of the show at the time, and taking for guidance the dramatic structures of Johnny Byrne’s three other Doctor Who stories.

Firstly, in making the story for four episodes, I had to decide on the cliff-hangers. The middle cliff-hanger was fairly straightforward – the synopsis has three big cliff-hanger moments about half-way through – but the other two were not so straightforward. For the other two, I took inspiration from the cliff-hangers of Johnny Byrne’s episode ones and threes, episode one usually ending with a capture, episode three ending with the villain seeming victorious.

When working on the DWM synopsis, my first change was to include an extra character for the opening vault robbery, and so I was pleased when I saw, in Johnny’s original treatment, that that had been his intention all along!

The most significant change for episode one was that Johnny’s synopsis begins with the Doctor giving Peri a long history-lesson on Serenity, Malador and Melkurs in the TARDIS before they arrive. I’m not sure that this would have made it to the finished script, had it been commissioned, it reads more like the writer making things clear up-front. I decided that it would be more dramatic if this information wasn’t all delivered up-front (which would also have been too similar to another of the Lost Story audios) and that the story would be more exciting if the Doctor didn’t know everything in advance.

This also meant changing the reason why the TARDIS landed on Serenity. Johnny’s story treatment has the Doctor seeing a beam of light shining from the planet which jogs a memory of his visit to Traken. However, keen fans will know that no such thing actually happened in ‘The Keeper Of Traken’ and a beam of light isn’t very audio-friendly, so I changed it to the TARDIS picking up a broadcast of the Lament of the Melkur, which causes it to be dragged off-course. This also seeded a way of getting across what Melkur is doing at the end of episode three, when the Lament is heard again.

For similar reasons, I dispensed with voice-activated snares in the Enclosure, as the only way to get past them would be by not talking, which wouldn’t have worked very well on audio. I also made it clear that Ebbko did not know about Malador (the treatment has Ebbko wanting to have the glory of having broken into the Tomb of Malador) as it would make him seem rather foolish, given what later transpires. That’s also why in episode two I removed a section where Peri and Ebbko attempt to stop Auga deactivating Prophecy, as the synopsis has Auga defeating this attempt, only to then decide, quite inexplicably, not to kill them.

The treatment described the Enclosure as being a ‘wooded area’ but I felt it would be more likely, and more in keeping with ‘The Keeper Of Traken’, if ‘The Guardians Of Prophecy’ was adapted as though it had been an entirely studio-bound story. I therefore cut a short sequence where the Doctor and Peri discover a skeleton amidst the overgrown tombs.

Other changes to the first part were to remove a section with the Doctor being knocked out while being chased by a Quester and regaining consciousness.  I also avoided calling the purloined keys ‘sacred medallions’ as that seemed silly (reminding me of 80's 'medallion men'). They became ‘sacred amulets’.

A problem with this episode is that the ‘sacred amulets’ are stolen from the reliquary but, despite their great historical importance, the fact that they’re missing isn’t noticed – not even by the all-knowing Prophecy. I did write a draft of the first two episodes in which the Elect and Prophecy are very much aware that the amulets have been stolen – and accuse the Doctor of being the culprit – but in the end I abandoned it because it was too much of a deviation from Johnny’s synopsis, because it meant the ‘trial’ scene went on even longer, and because it meant there was  too much embarrassing talk of ‘sacred amulets’. It meant that there’s a small plot inconsistency with an all-knowing computer not noticing that it’s control keys have been stolen, but that’s Johnny’s plot-inconsistency, not mine!

The only other major change was with the Elect. The story treatment names four members of the Elect – Mansa (religious), Horgan (military), Grielan (commerce) and Felia (scientific) – of which only two members, Horgan and Felia, are ever heard of again. Given the limited cast size, it seemed a bit wasteful to have four members of the Elect, so I stuck with just two. Working from the DWM article, I had named the Elect members Veron and Demas. They became Felia and Horgan.

In episode two, I had Prophecy talking to the Doctor in the labyrinth, partly to give him someone to talk to, and partly as a way of the Doctor being given information that he would otherwise have had to discover apropos of nothing.

The story treatment had the Doctor turning up in Malador’s tomb just as Malador is revived, only to desperately – and ineffectively – attempt to switch off the power. This seemed to undermine the Doctor’s character, having him fail, and would also have required Malador’s resurrection to take an inordinately long time.

The biggest change to episode three was to keep Auga alive. In the treatment, he is killed shortly after Malador awakes, but for the audio, I needed someone for Malador to speak to, so I had Auga brought back to life for the remainder of the episode.

Another change was that in the treatment Mura’s ‘resistance crumbles’  upon hearing of Auga’s death and he surrenders to the Elect, only for the Melkur to smash into the chamber and kill him. This cheapened the character, I felt, and seemed a little pointless, so I decided to have Mura fighting to the bitter end.

Where possible, I tried to use actual lines from Johnny’s story treatment (though it doesn’t contain much in the way of dialogue) – for example, Malador’s line ‘Soon you, and your brothers in evil, will feast upon the banquet of death I will provide’ and Prophecy’s line ‘the ripples will become a tide of evil that will overwhelm us all.’

For part four, I had a couple of problems to solve. Firstly, there was not quite enough plot to fill 25 minutes, and secondly, in the treatment the Elect are locked in a dungeon and then never heard of again until the farewell scene, and after Ebbko gets them into the Tomb he’s never heard of again either. So I gave the Elect their own little sub-plot and made more of Ebbko at the story’s climax (which also gave Peri someone to talk to). I also clarified why Malador was keeping the Elect alive.

Part four in the DWM feature has the Doctor confronting Malador in his tomb; however, Johnny’s treatment (on which the DWM feature was based) has the Doctor confronting Malador in the Guardians’ Chamber, which makes a lot more sense.

I also greatly clarified the nature of the ‘power Labyrinth’, ‘the energy sphere’ and so forth which is quite confusing in the treatment and the DWM synopsis and risked being a load of technobabble.

And finally, the story ends with Malador ‘clawing at the Tardis screen’, again not something that would really come across on audio.

My main contribution to the story, I feel, was that what intrigued me about Johnny’s story treatment was the way it used ‘good’ and ‘evil’ as though they were real, elemental forces, so that’s an area that I built up – developing the ideas of a ‘protective shield of goodness’ and exploring the notion of Malador, a being of pure evil, and how he might have come into being.