No More Talk

New years resolutions? Same as last year. To get more things done. To be tidier. To let my fingernails grow. And to avoid internet discussion forums.

Which is another of the reasons for this blog. I can get opinions out of my system without having to enter into a debate. Because, you know, I’ve wasted enough time arguing with people on the internet. It’s fruitless, it doesn’t help you win friends or find work, and in the past it has made me so very furious I’ve had to go and jog around Greenwich Park for a couple of hours.

The problem is, well, it’s like that old Monty Python sketch where Michael Palin goes into the room to have an argument with John Cleese. That’s exactly what logging onto an internet discussion forum or newsgroup is like. Except for the ones where you go to be abused by Graham Chapman.

But it’s not like a debate where, say, two sides might express differing points of view, provide relevant evidence, then arrive at a conclusion. No, it’s about two – or two hundred – sides who will never back down, never change their positions, never admit they’re wrong, and who will keep on arguing, no matter what, until they win. And I include myself in that. Oh, how I so shamefully do.

The thing is, on the internet, there’s no such thing as right or wrong, fact or fiction. There’s only a matter of opinion. Or different levels of ignorance and obstinacy. ‘Yes, well, you can prove anything with facts...’

Last year I managed to last until April. This year I’m aiming for the whole year. No posts on Outpost Gallifrey whatsoever. And I’ll try not to read it, though it’ll be difficult, as I have lots of things out this year.

That's Not My Name

This blog is all under my own name. Unlike much of what is posted on the internet, it’s not anonymous, it’s not pseudonymous, it’s not nom-de-plume-enous. It’s all directly attributable to me, for good or for dreadful. But why?

I can understand the temptation to post incognito. It means no repercussions, taking no prisoners, taking no responsibility. It means you can say what you really think, even if it’s not actually true. It means you can call people names.

Not for me. I’m not writing this under my own name because it forces me to be nice – hopefully I don’t need to be forced – but because, unless you’re a Chinese dissident or a cynical BBC producer posting on the Guardian blogs, there’s no good reason for concealing your identity. It’s hypocritical, it’s a license for cowards to bully, and it always raises the question, ‘Who are you, and why are you so scared that others might find out?’

Two examples. There once was a frustrated comedy writer – I can’t remember who – who went on a message board, anonymously slagging off a comedy show. ‘Who wrote this crap?’ was his gist. Except, alas, he wasn’t as anonymous as he thought. Cue a posting from the show’s producer. ‘If you think it’s so crap... then I’m guessing you don’t want to write for it any more...!’

Example two. A badly-written show is getting a critical mauling. Cue several postings from a concerned viewer saying that the criticism has been unfair and that they personally enjoyed the show a great deal. You’ve already guessed the punchline. Yes, it was the show’s writer.

But this has my name attached, so I can never be caught out. And besides, in the unlikely event I write anything worthwhile, I want to take all the credit.

Look At Me

So. Jonny has a blog. Why?

Well, self-promotion. To create a somewhere on the internet where I can put up examples of my work and hopefully increase general awareness of myself. A somewhere to which I can direct interested parties. The usual reasons.

What for? Wittering, mainly, I suspect. What it won’t be for, though, is self-involvement. I don’t intend to regale the world with stories of what I had for breakfast, or bowel movements, or pictures of my cat. Because I don’t have a cat, for one thing. Or breakfasts, come to think of it. Although I do have bowel movements. But no, the point is to try to generate material which might actually be of interest to someone other than myself. To avoid self-absorption.

The idea being, to update the blog as frequently as is practical; how often that will be I don’t know. Daily, daily except for weekends, weekly, occasionally. To warm up the fingers and get the brain whirring before I go off to write much more interesting and amusing things for people who are actually going to pay me.

What about? Not sure yet. Thoughts. Reminiscences. Reviews of television shows, films, plays, books, places. Hero worship. Short stories, script excerpts, anything I can come up with. Essentially anything which might be of interest to others, where I feel I have wit, wisdom or opinion to impart. Although I reserve the right to be as inconsistent, ill-informed and biased as everyone else in the land of blogs.

No rules, except one. No more than three hundred words. These pieces are intended as stretching exercises, not ten-mile runs. So I don’t want to spend more than, say, half an hour on each one, which means I don’t want to write more than I have written here.

BTW I think there will be a female Doctor Who in 2018 probably played by an actress like Jodie Whittaker.