Here’s a couple of films I would love to see made. I would’ve made a list, but most of the films I would like to see made are my Secret Special Ideas and I’m not going to reveal them to people unless they’re willing to pay me.
But number one my list, I’d love to see:
The Muppet Midsummer Night’s Dream
How can they not have already made this? The script’s out of copyright by several hundred years, it’s both ‘highbrow’ (because it’s Shakespeare) and ‘lowbrow’ (because it’s Muppets). It’d need to be done like The Muppet Christmas Carol; you want the original plotlines, jokes and all the important bits of dialogue in there, but you also want Statler and Waldorf heckling the play at the end. I’ve even worked out a cast.
Oberon, Titania – guest stars
Puck – The Great Gonzo (assisted by Andy and Randy pig)
Helena, Demetrius – guest stars
Hermia – Miss Piggy
Lysander – Kermit
Quince – Scooter
Bottom – Fozzie Bear (obviously!)
Flute – Sam the Eagle
Starveling - Pepe
Snout – Seymour
Snug – Bean Bunny
And so on. It’d write itself.
And number two:
Yellow Submarine II: Return To Pepperland
I can’t understand why they haven’t done this. It’d be mind-blowingly fab. It’d be a combination of a surreal plot, free-association wordplay, the trippiest, most psychedelic CGI (possibly in 3-D?) and all the fantastic Beatles songs which weren’t in the first film. Or maybe they were, that’s not important. It’s not an issue that fifty per cent of the Beatles are dead; you’d simply use voice artists as the first film did. You’d have to bring back the Blue Meanies, too. And the lovely Glove.
Just imagine what you could do, imagery-wise, for songs like Tomorrow Never Knows, Glass Onion, Strawberry Fields Forever, Penny Lane and – of course – Octopus’s Garden.