Big night tonight. Eurovision! My tip for the top is Iceland, because they have a cute singer, who can sing, who is singing an actual song with a melody, lyric and a chord sequence and everything - at a time when so many Eurovision songs sound like Holly Valance b-sides. The British entry is, of course, ghastly, being a half-formed idea for a song followed by a half-formed idea for a different song, followed by a chorus that you don’t realise is the chorus until it’s repeated the third time. It puts me in mind of Geraldine McQueen’s ‘The Winner’s Song’ but less accomplished.
But I’m always completely wrong in my Eurovision predictions – if it was down to me, Brainstorm would’ve won in 2000 with ‘My Star’ simply because of the singer’s scary Bob Downe eyes. Hopefully next year Same Difference will get the call.
So I won’t be bothering with Britain’s Got Talent. I don’t know why all those people queue up around the theatres when it’s obvious most of the acts that end up on screen have been solicited by the show’s producers. I find it slightly dispiriting, though, that a show that claims to celebrate the underdog spends so much of its time humiliating the clinically deluded. It’s almost cruel.
Plus there’s the excitement of Primeval. Anomalies! Dinosaurs! Ben Miller!
Meanwhile, I have to plug it again – be warned, I’ve got a few things coming out over the next few months so this won’t be the last time this happens - is my Doctor Who audio adventure The Cannibalists. It’s about robots. It’s not a comedy but it has funny bits, hopefully. It’s not a horror but it has scary bits, hopefully. And it’s not a treatise on existential semantics but it has thoughtful bits, hopefully.