Thursday, 20 August 2009
Whisper To A Scream (Birds Fly)
Apparently I have a passive aggressive personality. Someone who knew what they were talking about once told me so, very loudly, leaving me no reason to doubt them.
Without wishing to get into details or specifics, I had a passive aggressive moment today. Day two of the recording of a thing that I’m not going to mention. Basically, I thought something had been changed without my permission, and I quietly got very cross about it. I lost sleep, lying awake Making Plans. Reputations were mentally slandered. Pillows were clutched, twisted and thumped. In order to try to put my mind to rest, I even Made Notes so I wouldn’t have to think about them any more.
And then I did a sensible thing, which was check my facts, and discovered that nothing had been changed without my permission, I had been asked, and I had gladly given permission, and I had no reason to be frustrated or upset with anyone apart from myself for putting myself into such a pent-up mood in the first place; and for not enjoying what was a wonderful day as much as I might because of all my silent cursing. What a silly billy I am.
This has got me into trouble before, so I’m careful not to let it get me into trouble again. In the past, I’ve quietly, apparently happily, got on with stuff, without a word of a quibble, claiming there to be no problems, whilst inside I have been raging. Until, suddenly, apropos of FA, I decide to Make My Feelings Known by throwing a chair or, which is more my style, sending off an incredibly long and vituperative email which I can never take back.
My advice for fellow sufferers? I have none. I am not Doctor Miriam Stoppard.