The random witterings of Jonathan Morris, writer.

Friday, 2 October 2009


Watched 10,000 BC the other night. It’s set exactly 90,000 years after 100,000 BC, the movie with Raquel Welch in a fur bikini fighting a giant gecko.

Never mind the historical innacuracies. It’s not meant to be a documentary. If it’s a choice between having our heroes attacked by terror birds or not, then I say go for the terror birds. Mammoths building pyramids – yeah, why not. It’s not supposed to be Egypt. I think it’s supposed to be Eridu or somewhere like that, but earlier. Or something to do with Atlantis.

No, I thought it was a lot of fun. Formulaic but with a messy plot – every ten minutes we’d cut back to Blossom Jackson from EastEnders covered in snow and staring into the distance – and for some reason the sound quality on the DVD was so poor we ended up selecting subtitles.

My main quibble – and this is a more general point – is that it was a film that had clearly been ‘dumbed down’ after having had some negative feedback at preview screenings. This was obvious in two ways; whenever the plot moved foward, there would be narration telling us what has just happened in case we didn’t understand it and secondly, about ten minutes of explanation of what-you-are-about-to-see has been stuck to the beginning of the film. Complete with dodgy, last-minute-rush green screen composites.

It’s not as bad for that as The Golden Compass, in which the desire to make that film idiot-proof meant that all the explanations came in the first five minutes which meant it ended up being even more confusing than it would’ve been otherwise.

Viewers should have the option, like with age ratings. Do you want to see the version of this film made for intelligent people, or re-edited for redneck morons?

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