The random witterings of Jonathan Morris, writer.

Sunday, 25 October 2009

Mad Bears 2

The Story Of Goldilocks And The Three Bears (Part Two)

Not much later, the three obsessive-compulsive bears came home, and they immediately began their inspection routine of every single item in the house. The first thing they noticed was the porridge. Because even though Goldilocks had only had the tiniest mouthful from the first two bowls, that was enough for the obsessive-compulsive bears to notice.

‘Ugh. Who’s been using my spoon?’ said the daddy bear.
‘Ugh. Who’s been using my spoon?’ said the mummy bear with a scream.
‘Ugh. Who’s been using my spoon and licking my bowl?’ cried the baby bear. 'Mummy, daddy, I feel sick'.

‘We must never use these spoons or bowls ever again’, declared the daddy bear, and together they wrapped them in clingfilm and threw them into the bin.

Suddenly feeling nauseous and dizzy, the three bears needed to sit down. But because Goldilocks had moved each chair ever-so-very slightly away from Where It Was Supposed To Be, the three bears instantly noticed something was amiss.

‘Ugh. Who’s left their bottom-sweat on my chair?’ said the daddy bear.
‘Ugh. Who’s left their bottom-sweat on my chair?’ gasped the mummy bear.
‘Ugh. Who’s left...’ began baby bear before bursting into tears. As his bottom had made contact with the sullied chair, he quickly pulled out a brillo pad and his hygienic wipes and began to scrub himself down until his own bottom was raw.

‘We must never use these chairs ever again’, declared the daddy bear, and together they wrapped them in clingfilm and threw them into the bin.

By now, the three bears were getting a bit tired and irritable – which happens sometimes when you miss breakfast – so they went upstairs for a nap. Can you imagine what happened next, children?

‘Aaaaargh! Who’s disturbed the sheets slightly on my bed?’ screamed the daddy bear.
‘Aaaaargh! Who's left a slight indentation on my mattress?’ screamed the mummy bear.
‘Aaaaargh! Mummy, daddy... ' choked the baby bear. 'There’s a girl sleeping in my bed!’

The three bears stared at Goldilocks, who was still in a very deep, contended sleep.

‘We must leave and never set foot in this building ever again,’ declared the daddy bear. ‘It is unclean’. And together they packed away all their things, unpacked them, packed them away again, unpacked them, packed them away again, checked all the electrical appliances were switched off, and then ran away as fast as their legs could carry them.

So when Goldilocks woke up she had a lovely new house. And she lived happily ever after.

The End.

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