The random witterings of Jonathan Morris, writer.

Saturday, 4 July 2009

Wuthering Heights

It’s wrong to pick on tall people. It’s not their fault that they’re tall. It’s just an accident of genetics and hormones. But speaking as a short person, there are a few things where we don’t see eye to eye...

Firstly, the whole standing up to have a conversation thing. It’s okay for the tall person. They must feel like a giant visiting a creche. However, for the shorty, it feels like they are Frodo having an audience with Gandalf. So, tall people, I beg you, try to bear this in mind and reconvene to a seated area? That way, you won’t have to spend half the time repeating yourselves because mouths and ears are in different gradations of the atmosphere.

Additional to this point; smoking. Now, tall people smoking doesn’t bother me, it’s way up in the clouds, possibly of a navigational danger to aircraft but that’s about it. What’s annoying is when tall people, between puffs, move their ciggy down to what they consider to be ‘waist height’ – but which, for us shorties, is directly at eye-level. A famous writer who I shall not name – as his initials of RTD should suffice – did this to me once at a writers’ get-together and I still haven’t forgiven him. For that and for ‘Boomtown’.

Finally, now we’re in festival season, a word about concerts (admittedly I don’t go to festivals any more; I hate the rip-off ticket charges, I hate the bands, I hate the lousy sound quality and I particularly hate other people who go to festivals). But if you’re tall, don’t stand at the front. There’s no need, you could see perfectly well from a hundred yards back, rather than obscuring the views of a hundred shorties. And whatever you do – don’t wear a big funny hat.

1 comment:

  1. I feel this link is required in the interests of balance:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NvgLkuEtkA

    ReplyDelete