Inspired by those DVD trailers for insane-family-films-you’re-never-going-to-watch...
WOOFINGTON: (STREETWISE NEW YORK ACCENT)
I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation, and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office. So help me God. Now gimme a goddam biscuit!
Cut to inauguration ceremony. Where the PRESIDENT is... a YORKSHIRE TERRIER!
GRAVEL-VOICED VOICE-OVER MAN:
Woofington G Barker is a dog with a difference. A dog with attitude. A dog from the street. He’s also the forty-fifth President... of the United States.
WOOFINGTON is in the oval office.
Hey, where’s the goddam washroom, or am I gonna have to do my poop in a plant pot?
The CHIEF OF STAFF is power-walking down a corridor, West-Wing-style.
How can a dog be president? It’s unconstitutional!
Article two states that every citizen of the United States can be president. It doesn’t say anything about them having to be human.
Back to the oval office.
Too late, I done my poop in the Resolute desk! Somebody crack open a window!
He’s not even house-trained, never mind White-House-trained!
Scenes from WOOFINGTON’s life: meeting POLITICIANS, in AIR FORCE ONE, CONVENTIONS. Music: That’s The Way I Like It by the KC Sunshine Band. Then cut to the incident room:
We gotta act fast, there’s puppies down there. Let loose the dogs of war!
WOOFINGTON meeting the QUEEN – and one of her CORGIs. It’s love!
(wolf whistle) Now she is one hot bitch!
Walt Disney Pictures presents... President Pooch.
The little dog... who had a big dream.
Now gimme a goddam biscuit!