The random witterings of Jonathan Morris, writer.

Saturday, 28 February 2009

People Are People

People - can’t live with them, not allowed to shoot them. Why do they have to be so... awful?

Take, for example, people who eat stuff whilst walking around supermarkets. People who are, apparently, so hungry that they can’t even wait until they’ve paid for their food at the checkout - they have to have their biscuits now. And then pass the crumpled wrapper through the barcode reader.

Or people who walk around with their mouths open. For all I know, you might have a PhD in organic chemistry, but if you walk around with your mouth open you’re going to look like a gormless nincompoop. Someone who has to concentrate a little bit in order to remember breathing.

Another one. People who, when they’re buying stuff in Gregg's, continue to chat on their phones. How busy do you have to be that you can’t interrupt your conversation in order to speak to the shop assistant? It’s just so selfish and so insulting. I mean, it wouldn’t matter if the person had a genuine reason why they had to be constantly on the phone – why they’ve invested in one of those hands-free phones that you hook onto your ear – but somehow, given the fact that they tend to be teenagers, it’s unlikely they’re running the stockmarket.

People who walk slowly, I have no problem with them. People who walk slowly in groups so they take up the whole pavement, though, should be shot. So should people who, when coming the other way, force you to walk into the road to get past them. And so should people who ‘tut’ when you ask them to get out of the way. In fact, anyone who ‘tuts’ about anything should be shot. Oh, I’ll deal with them in detail in another blog.

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