I like theme tunes which have lyrics. It’s something to do, while waiting for the show to start; you sing along, you get in the mood for another exciting episode of Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds, Perfect Strangers or Tenko.
But, frustratingly, some theme tunes don’t have lyrics. I feel it’s my mission in life to correct this shortcoming and make up lyrics for their theme tunes. And then to sing them until my girlfriend asks me to stop (usually just before I am about to start).
For example, here’s my lyrics to The West Wing:
(The) west wing, the west wing
It is where Jed Bart-lett works
It is where he does his thing (his president-ing)
And it is where he talks real quick
And CJ too
And Leo, Sam, and alltheotherpeoplewhoaretalkingreallyfastinthe
West wing, the west wing
A vast improvement I trust you’ll agree. This is why I am better than Aaron Sorkin. I’ve proved it through the medium of theme tune song lyrics, oh yes.
But does it only have to be for drama serials? No! Here’s my lyrics for Channel 4 News:
Channel Four, Channel Four, here’s the news, Channel Four, we’re the best
Channel Four, we’re the best, for the news - yes we are!
(This should have a sort of backing vocal going on, like ‘It’s-time for-the news-now, yes it’s-time for-the news-now... etc’)
Sadly many theme tunes are either too brief or tuneless for lyrics. Lost, 24, it’s the bane of modern television. But that will not deter me, oh no. Here are my lyrics for Spooks, using the theme from an entirely different television show:
Meet the gang ‘cos the spooks are here
The spooks who are spying on you
S. P. O. O. K. S.
The spooks who are spying on you!