The random witterings of Jonathan Morris, writer.

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Fat Children

As I type, there’s a documentary on ITV about fat kids, or Supersize kids as they’re now called. Presumably it’s about some miserable teenager going on a voyage of self-discovery; as they lose the pounds, so they discover the person within. And all that.

Now, I consider myself a fatty; whenever I look in the mirror I try to correct the aspect ratio back to 4:3. And when it comes to fat kids, I have nothing but sympathy for their predicament. Because getting fat is something that creeps on you when you’re not looking. It’s a combination of a sedentary lifestyle and overeating.

First, sedentary lifestyle. Exercise is boring. I love jogging, but that’s because I enjoy the zen tedium-ness of it. It’s like meditation but with varying scenery and the occasional girl bouncing enthusiastically towards me in the opposite direction. But sports, oh I loathe sports. Unless you happen to have the right combination of eye-foot-hand-combination or a genetic predisposition to jump a long way, you’re going to fail. In my case, you’re going to be picked last and develop your own game of ‘sarcastic football’ where you try to score as many own-goals as possible. That is a true thing that I did. And as far as I can tell, cricket and rugby are both the result of exercises in trying to come up with the most boring and opaque games possible. Cricket is a game with all the fun sucked out.

And overeating? Human beings are programmed to want to eat more food than they need. You eat too much today because you might not eat tomorrow.

I don’t blame the kids. But I do blame the parents. Regarding child obesity, the parents should be treated as though the child were underweight by the same degree.


  1. The parents should be prosecuted for neglect and abuse.

    Ooops, did I type that out loud???

  2. Being crap at sports, and hating sports, are in fact not connected at all. I could bore you for hours about the fascination of Rugby Union as a spectator sport, even though my personal experience of playing it is exactly as you describe.

  3. I shall rant further on this subject in future blogs.

    I don't understand why anyone would want to watch sport. The special effects are rubbish.

  4. "I don't understand why anyone would want to watch sport."

    Answer: men in shorts

    Not that I'm interested in such a sexist thing.