The random witterings of Jonathan Morris, writer.

Monday 8 June 2009

Misty Water

I remember walking past the Centre For Homeopathic Medicine in London. It’s a huge, imposing building. Which is ironic, really - you’d think a much smaller building would be more effective.

Obviously homoeopathy is a load of old nonsense and is not merely unproven but thoroughly disproven. Why is medicine the only area in which you can get a ‘complementary’ treatment? Why aren’t there complementary mechanics? They could treat the whole car holistically. They could probably fix a sticky clutch by sticking pins in one of the wheels,

What about the anecdotal evidence? Well, drinking lots of water is good for you. The placebo effect can be a powerful thing, particularly with regard to nebulous psychological conditions such as mood or a sense of general well-being or those niggly little complaints which are part and parcel of being alive.

Homeopathy works in the same way that a lager shandy will be more potent than a straight lager. The lemonade ‘remembers’ the lager and replicates its effect. Similarly, we all know that a gin and tonic will get you more drunk the more tonic there is and the less gin there is. That’s not a fact but don’t let that get in the way of you believing it to be true.

But maybe there is something in it. I like my coffee black. If there’s been so much as a single droplet of milk in it I can tell and will send it back. They love me at Gregg’s for doing that. But coffee with a tiny bit of milk in it is even more revolting than coffee with a lot of milk in it.

One argument in favour of alternative medicine on the NHS is that it keeps the hypochondriacs happy and lets the doctors concentrate on people who are genuinely ill. But, on the other hand, it’s alternative medicine that’s driving tigers to extinction because some Chinese men think their willies are magic.